Deck: Radiant Rider Waite
Conscious: Ace of Swords
Positive: 8 of Swords (reversed)
Negative: Ace of Cups (reversed)
Unconscious: Death
Positive: King of Cups
Negative: 10 of Swords (reversed)
Ideal: The Hermit
Advice: 5 of Pentacles

“Clarity & Compassionate Detachment as the Catalysts for Healing Change“

Aquarius New Moon theme

There is no fire in this reading so I’m to make a choice of a few assumptions. My creativity, confidence, and enthusiasm are either well aligned or all together missing. OR, there is a desperate need for action taking, courage, creative application of the new understanding implied by the shown cards.

In the last few months, despite some mundane life upsets (losing my job and moving in with my mother and all of the associated chaos that situation brings), I have been getting a lot of new understanding. Much success has been had using my self-talk to bring myself back into an alignment. Right now it seems like that alignment is to be used in the service of true connecting. “An “eye” for an “I,” the ability of self to see self, which is impossible without the background of other.”(?Karmic Tarot)

As an ideal, I am looking to reconnect to the light that I already discovered within myself. That which is good, pure, and useful. That part of me whose wisdom wells up from a divine source. That me that embodies the self-definition.

Unconsciously, I am going through some deep and somewhat painful transformation at an emotional level. I am learning that not all of my feelings are reflective of my experience. Integrating the need for discretion and self-protection around my intuition/sensitivity. This season seems to be where drawn-out endings and closures are due to be completed as Death is the overall and the negative is reversed 10 of Swords, which is drawing out what should be a very decisive ending due to deceit, manipulation, or other substantial betrayal. As a positive, the King of Cups has mastered his own emotive, intuitive, conscious, and unconscious energies in a way that supports a strong material foundation. This is the still waters run deep card. Inner growth has created substantive change from reactivity to mature responsiveness, from enmeshment to connection, from runny heart & funny money to self-containment and material satisfaction (that’s the next little jump I’m currently trying to make at least lol)

Consciously, I am open to new information, curious about what impact the changes happening internally will manifest in my mundane life. Too, I am being very honest with myself and others about how I see things and not holding back. It is not that I don’t care about their feelings, but that I now refuse to suffer while verbally coddling someone who is inconsiderate of their impact on me. That includes my family members, my friends, and my coworkers. I am a kind, helpful, compassionate person. I am also observant, and strong willed, and intelligent. I am no longer muting my whole self for others, but I’m also not putting it all out there for whoever wants access (King of Cups) I’m keeping myself emotionally independent so that when real & healthy opportunities for bonding, collaboration and business come through, I am not unstable financially because I’m hyper emotional. I’m not so focused on proving my positive intent and defending my feelings that I can’t focus on my own growth and healing. Now, this is the intent at the very least. I am by no means perfect, but I also notice the changes that have taken place, and I sense the improvement overall that those small things I did and what I’m getting consistent with now have created. It feels like it’s going to really be meaningful. I’m freeing myself from guilt and limitations imposed on me by the opinions of others. I consider those who had the hardest impact on my self-regard so often being myself, family members, and friends that I felt guilty leaving behind. The realization that it’s my own choice to engage those dynamics that hinder my movement is hitting me hard. Not the other person themselves. They are only acting from their place of reference and in their own ‘best’ interests. Agency, baby. ? I know, now. So, I must do better than the example that’s being set for me.

Negatively, the reversed Ace seems like lacking receptivity to opportunities for emotional renewal. I am not incapable of forgiveness, but I am no longer actively trying to rekindle things that have broken down. If it can’t be something new and better than before, let’s not repeat the same. It didn’t bring me what it brought to those who experienced me.

The Advice in this spread is about finding those who ‘shoot with you in the gym”. This is as much an out in the cold card as it is a struggle love card. Someone who will still recognize my value and deservedness when I am falling short of my goals or blind to my own self-worth. It’s also about material change that takes some time & consistency (pentacles) but also creativity (5). And about leaving behind nouns that are more reflective of my inaccurate sense of lack & inadequacy and those nouns that support or encourage sustaining that inside myself. A new way of recovering materially and physically. I am kind of reading this card as an attempt to recover a loss through collaboration, too.

As an outcome, the Hermit is about solitude that leads to deeper self-awareness, actualization, and evolution. It is a pulling back from externals in exchange for a more expansive view of what lies inside. For me, there is the implied new understanding that my reactive self-isolation is a low vibrational and, therefore, harmful manifestation of this ideal. That while I have the capacity for it, the wall-building I’ve been doing in the last 2 or 3 years has more to do with feelings of social inadequacy, conditioned guilt, and burnout stemming from compound emotional traumas. This is the self-awareness I’ve gained, and I’m now looking for how I might utilize this information while still having, but now recognizing those feelings. (#therapy ?) It’s about coping with feelings while continuing on a trajectory that I now recognize as for me.

I can come up with a few valid reasons right now for staying to myself, the primary one being there’s a high probability that I may harm someone that doesn’t deserve it because I am looping through my past and the situation feels too similar.  But, I’m not feeling threatened. Despite the fact that there are also those who definitely have malicious intent.. That is not what the trauma comes from. It comes from emotional abandonment (much of which I eventually perpetuated myself). There is not an aloneness in the world that can heal something like that, only really honest release.

To obtain information and retain it is knowledge. Applying that knowledge provides experiences that lead to understanding. In repetition, deeper understanding can be found that improves application and creates ease. This is wisdom.

@koriwoo